Let’s all take a moment to appreciate how truly awful I am at managing a blog. In my defense, my only goal with this blog is to help people live authentic lives by putting my authentic self out there. So here I am, my most authentic self, admitting that this blog is a total hobby (aka I cannot commit to posting weekly or even monthly) and I hope my very inconsistent posts still inspire those who choose to read.
My life is crazy busy and sometimes messy - I’m literally writing this post as a fly torments me while I’m waiting on my car to be serviced during my lunch break. I decided to write about busyness because I attempted to create a game-plan for this blog when I started my new job in June. Well - it’s September and my game-plan with consistent dates to post blogs was never implemented. I’m going to carelessly choose to blame busyness for this instead of myself, aka the one who watches Netflix every night.
I try my absolute best to fill my life with a meaningful busy; by that I mean activities and commitments outside of work that fulfill me. I try to fill my time with things that will grow me in some way. Right now my favorite activity is spinning - I’m a crazy person who loves intense spin classes. I found a wonderful job in Cleveland that I’m so excited to grow in and because of it I am seeking new and exciting leadership opportunities in the nonprofit world outside of work. In my eyes, this “busy” is positive - I am being challenged in a healthy way.
Opposite of that, I tend to over-commit to things and then dream about deleting them from my calendar. The hardest lesson I’ve learned is that things keep moving - even when you’re not around to witness them. I came back to Cleveland after San Francisco and everything had changed - my best friend moved back states away (I did it first so I can’t really blame her) and my other amazing friends were experiencing new things (jobs, school, etc.) in their own lives. There were suddenly different people at my old church and there were different circumstances at my old job that I returned to while searching for one in my field (I had to find some way to pay for the mochas that fueled my job search).
Everything was different and it was very unsettling. I can’t say I expected everything to pause while I was away, living my life in San Francisco, but it was a hard lesson to learn - I couldn’t return to the former things and expect them to feel the same. Especially after learning new things about myself from living in California.
This is not meant to be a sad blog so I apologize if it’s coming off that way. In all honesty, I need to reevaluate what is important to me. I came back to Cleveland and now am tasked with figuring out what this city is for me in this season. I had a different type of community when I was living here in college. Now I have a full-time job, I am transitioning to live totally on my own and I am a “real adult” (if that is such a thing) and not a college student working at a sandwich shop. I’m being 100% honest when I say the only thing I returned to in Cleveland that feels the same is Barrio - I ate too many tacos during college and I eat too many tacos now.
I want to give my all to everything I do but sometimes the idea that something is “good” or might produce good fruit in my life hinders me from that. I end up committing to a few “good” things halfheartedly and find that I’m holding myself back from experiencing fulfillment in all areas of my life. I know that sounds out-of-reach - being totally and completely fulfilled by everything on your schedule - but I believe there is fulfillment to be found in every area of your life if you shift your perspective.
Growth happens when you choose to push forward while thinking “but I don’t want to.” Growth happens even though you have an end date and continue to tell yourself “thank God I’m done with this in 8 months.” Either way, you grow - but only if you let yourself.
Growth happens when you choose to live life intentionally; when you reflect and learn from the screw ups and the successes.
So here I sit, finishing this blog post as my car is still being serviced on my lunch-less lunch break, hoping to shift my own perspective so I can begin enjoying all of the commitments I have made. I hope you choose to do the same!
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