goodbyes

I'm convinced the real reason I started a blog is so I can have an excuse to continue spending time at coffee shops once I'm finished with school. Also, the meter I parked at had an hour left on it (again!) so I think the coffee shop was meant to be today. I really want to talk about endings, the ones that turn into new beginnings. I've had seasons end before, like the time I lived in Downtown Cleveland. I was on campus for school and absolutely fell in love with urban life. After I left Downtown I moved to Lakewood, which is a cool place for a different reason, but my heart still aches for the time where I lived eight stories up and could walk anywhere I needed to go.

I am currently facing so. many. endings. Yesterday I said goodbye to the office I worked at to complete my internship. It was so bittersweet - I'm moving on to greater things, but I had so many wonderful memories there (getting teary-eyed right now, not going to lie). My supervisor and I became friends, further convincing me that I was meant to be there these past nine months. The months were full of professional networking, personal growth and many learning opportunities. I also enjoyed the consistency it provided me. I have some crazy twists and turns from time to time in my life and I enjoyed relying on this job to speak into my passions and career goals.

Yesterday was also the day I finished all of my coursework to complete my Bachelor's degree. I have two big presentations this week and then I am walking in the commencement ceremony on Saturday. Let that one sink in - I'm done with college. Finished. All of the hard work is about to start paying off. In four days, to be exact. I used to be terrified, and then I was super stressed. Now I'm just a ball of nerves and I feel excited one minute, nervous the next. I am graduating pretty early in the grand scheme of things because I completed about two years worth of college credits in high school. It feels like it's all a big joke - like I'm not really graduating. I didn't try to speed up the process, I just kind of went with the flow of things.

My college advisers encouraged me to choose a major and complete extra-curricular courses that would count towards it. Since I was about 17 at the time, I thought of one class that really interested me and told the adviser "I guess I can major in Urban Studies." And here I am - graduating with a major in Urban Studies, a minor in Sustainable Urban Design and a certificate in GIS (mapping). Since I was a high school student simply looking to get out of high school and go to community college classes (they started so much later in the day and were much less frequent), I was unknowingly given the opportunity to choose my career path based on what I was interested in. Choosing a major is often done when college students are in their sophomore year and are pressured to choose their path because they've run out of extra-curriculars to take.

I chose my path based on my interests. It didn't matter that I was in college, though. You can work towards your passion in a trade school, bible school, college setting or at an entry-level job. Whatever you are most interested in - what sets your heart on fire - do that. This offers you the opportunity to live a wholehearted and fulfilling lifestyle. I've realized most of my other passions from continuing in my education. It just began with making a choice by answering a simple(-ish) question: what makes me feel alive?

So I'm saying goodbye to school (for now) and I've said goodbye to my internship. I will be saying goodbye to my current job in the next month or so. I have been at Jimmy John's for about five years now and am currently a manager there. Until recently I was excited to leave. It is a necessary goodbye as I will soon - hopefully - start working in some area related to my degree. It's a goodbye, nonetheless. I am leaving behind friendships and relationships with customers. And free food, which kind of hurts the most.

My next, and final goodbye for now, will happen at the end of next month. I am waiting for an official response from a job I've applied and interviewed for, but I'm pretty positive I will get it. I would work with a nonprofit that provides resources to homeless populations and helps them sober up. I'd recruit and retain volunteer workers. This excites me *so* much because I absolutely love volunteering. Volunteering my time is my favorite way to be generous. If I receive this job, I would have to relocate to the other side of the country. I am beyond excited to move to a different urban area as this has been a dream of mine for a long time. I eventually want to make my way to Seattle for a bit, and then New York City, to learn how other cities operate so I can bring fresh knowledge back to Cleveland.

Saying goodbye to Cleveland for a few years is sad enough. I love this city and all of the passionate residents working towards positive change. I will also have to say goodbye to my closest friends and family. I hope to visit as often as possible, even though I will be living on a volunteer's budget as an AmeriCorps worker. I can't imagine starting over in a new city without the squad. I've built some awesome relationships here and have a pretty great life, which makes it seem even crazier that I want to disrupt it all by moving 2,500 miles away. The calling is so evident, though. I feel the certainty in my bones.

Goodbyes come in many positive and negative forms. They can be leaving a job, breaking up with a significant other or moving to a different city. Endings eventually lead to transition periods, which lead to new beginnings. Endings allow for us to say goodbye to the old and hello to the new. New is exciting (and scary), but old often holds us back. If we stay complacent and lukewarm in life, we run the risk of sacrificing our passions and dreams. Comfort is easy, but quite unfulfilling at times. Goodbyes feel like permanent endings, but we will always have the memories from those seasons with us. Endings provide us with the necessary materials and experiences to move forward in our next season. New beginnings allow for us to grow in different atmospheres and contexts. Hold the good memories close to you but embrace the new seasons you are walking in. They are often seasons of excitement and adventure, in whatever way it looks for your life.