kisses

I try to be a positive person, especially during rough seasons (seasons in life and seasons in Cleveland). The process of becoming a more positive person began a few years ago when I decided to cut swearing out, and then complaining, and eventually negativity all together. Something I now notice about the effects of this is the impact it had on my anxiety. I began having panic attacks when I was in seventh grade and I never really understood why. I didn't have an unbalanced life, or so I thought. Anxiety is indeed a mental illness. When I think about my past struggles with anxiety I realize that through intentionally becoming more positive, I improved on my overall mental health.

Becoming more positive has also adjusted my perspective. I don't focus on the displeasing things in life or immediately react to situations in a negative way. I allow my positive mindset to determine how I spend my days. Let's not forget our thought life - because this is a lot more powerful than the words we choose to speak. Our words are very powerful but our thoughts determine everything from our mood to how we treat certain people. When we choose to let negative thoughts into our mind, we are accepting negative feelings and emotions like anger or sadness.

I notice that I feel more burdened when I choose to think from a negative perspective. I feel this heaviness on my head that tends to stick around when I decide to stick with the poor thoughts. I'm pretty darn good at making excuses for why I am allowed to think negatively or respond to things out of this. I'm great at telling myself that these thoughts are productive in some way. And that's typically when conviction sets in, but I can expand more on that in a later post.

My favorite thing about choosing to live a more positive life is how I view things that happen to and around me every day. For example, I was running a bit late to my internship this morning and there is construction on my usual route to work, so I decided to take another way. I think I only hit green lights and let me tell you: that never happens. I'm always being punished by red lights and slow drivers when I'm running behind. And that is totally justified in my book because it's always my fault for being late, whether I lost track of time or just didn't want to get out of bed.

When random things like hitting only green lights happen to me, I reminisce about how Jesus speaks to me most through signs and coincidences. Sometimes He just wants to show me His relentless love by literally turning every light in my path to green (and not putting any police officers on that path - what? I never speed).

After all of that talk about being positive, I do have to admit that there are certain things in life I do not enjoy. Somewhere at the top of the list would be paying for parking. There are so many expenses to having a car and parking being one of them drives me nuts. I mean, why should I pay to park my car at the same time that I'm dropping $5 on coffee? It's too much to ask for, in my opinion.

Some background to this: I lived on campus my first year at Cleveland State University and I had to pay for an overnight parking pass. Since the campus is in Downtown Cleveland and I wanted to park somewhat close to my dorm, I chose the garage pass. I spent hundreds of dollars on this piece of plastic that was only good for one semester. In the grand scheme of things, I've probably spent around a grand to park my car over the course of a few years. On the bright side, my car was always safe and never broken into while I lived Downtown. I think God knew I couldn't handle the combination of paying so much to park my car and then paying more to find it if someone were to steal it.

So, when I pulled up to one of my favorite coffee shops today to meet a friend for a homework night and the meter had an hour and fifteen minutes left on it - you better believe I felt blessed. Especially because parking is free after 6 p.m. and that meter had enough to last me until 5:45.

My best friend often calls these small blessings "Jesus kisses." It always makes me laugh but in reality, it's true. These blessings are literally kisses of love from Jesus. They are simple reminders that He is there with us every step of the way; that He will never stop showering us with love. And that He knows how to show us this amazing love in the best way. He knows what will make us feel loved. A.k.a. when I don't have to drop extra quarters on parking meters (for sure the highlight of my week thus far).

Whether you are a believer or not, just rest in the fact that you are loved. Someone, somewhere looks at you and thinks "yep that's the person I want to hug super tight and say nice things to." And remember that the little things that happen each day that make you smile are indeed there for a reason. Just to remind you that a life full of joy is within reach.