unique

I am graduating from college in about a month and - despite the panic - all seems to be going well. I am majoring in urban studies which puts me at the heart of the community. I could work for the government Leslie Knope-style or I could work for a small non-profit. I am super passionate about equipping those who have been disadvantaged and providing them with resources to prosper.

Anyway, I fell in love with this opportunity to work for a non-profit over the summer as an intern. I applied through a community organization who would interview me and place me with the best fit. I went through two interviews and felt so confident about it. I prayed a ton and felt so much peace about this decision. I wanted to work as an intern this summer and then move on to a few other temporary jobs to get a feel for what specific sector I'd want to begin a career in.

It was at my second interview that I realized how truly unique God has made us. I was interviewing for a job only I would do. I would be responsible for my own work - the work I was created to do. I had this whole epiphany that made me even more excited for this job. I left the interview confident and expectant of a phone call saying I got the job. I was to receive a phone call the next week. I thought I was supposed to know on a Monday, but I had misread the paper. Cue me in a coffee shop bathroom freaking out because I hadn't received an email or a phone call, to then drive home and find out I had four more days before I knew for sure. So, I waited for the call a bit longer and thought, "I could get this job. I don't feel so certain anymore, but I still have a shot."

Well, I didn't get it. I was confused because I had truly believed this was where God had wanted me. I then had to shift my perspective because God did not plan for me to be at that internship but instead wanted me to learn how to have hope. With this hope came certainty - and with that certainty came the "bright" idea to place all of my eggs in one basket. After not getting this job, or an interview for a fellowship that would have started in the fall, I looked to God expecting Him to say "well of course you're stuck - you only applied for two jobs." However, what God had to say was a bit different than what I was expecting to hear. God made me a planner - but this does not mean I alone can plan every step of my life for the next decade. He also dared me to go a bit deeper and unlock some dreams I had hidden away long ago.

I then decided to apply for an AmeriCorps position (AmeriCorps is basically the American version of the Peace Corps). This is something I have wanted to do for about a year now but had put on the back-burner. Opposite of what I had done before, I decided to create an application and send it on to literally a dozen positions. If you can take anything from this post, it's this: DON'T do this - it's so overwhelming. Despite bringing chaos into my life, I realized I had neglected some big dreams I once had. I sent applications to AmeriCorps positions all over the country. I always wanted to venture out for a few years and live in different urban areas. I thought I would go to college out of state so when I chose to stay in state, I forgot about this dream. And how perfect it is for right now - I can pack some clothes in a suit case and leave. Which proves to be both liberating and nerve-wracking.

This whole process has challenged me to see how truly unique I am and how important my dreams are. I was created by the One who created the world and He put these dreams in my heart. I may not have gotten the job I planned for, but I was still created to do something that would impact many.